I hate to admit it.  Mom and Dad, please don't laugh too hard when I say....this.... I sometimes miss being told what to do.  There.  I said it.  

I remember the drill of childhood.  "When did you last eat?  Here, have some food."  "Looks like you could use a hug."  "You're getting cranky; it's time for a nap."  

In my super-mature “I'm-smarter-than-a-child” mentality, I miss some of the plainest truths in life.  One of these is the importance of rest.  It’s the weekend before Christmas, and all through my house are temptations to “achieve” and find my worth in what I do and the approval of others.    

I’m trying to step back and rest.  And I often will remind myself, “I’m more efficient when I rest.” What’s funny about that statement is that I still am finding an excuse for resting.  What would it be like if I stop running the show for a moment?  Slowing down the crazy pace of life is not only a discipline, it is an act of faith- one that acknowledges that I don’t control all and know all.  And I don’t have to carry the universe on my shoulders.  That’s freeing.  I hope you “achieve” some great rest during this time of the year.  Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!!

​Yours truly,
​
Justin

Happy September (Recovery Month)! School’s back in session and vacations are over for many.  If you’re like most, you’ve been seeing everyone’s summer pics on facebook and Instagram. While you might expect this post, written by a Professional Counselor, to talk about the influence of social media on self-esteem or depression, I want to invite you into a more personal journey- one of compulsive behavior, learning, and communication.

The Back Story
Starting early in 2015, I had been recognizing for months how distracting my daily social media consumption was to me- and how much time and emotional energy was being spent. And then a stroke of insight came- why not just stop? I didn’t have to make any extreme commitment or do a PR campaign. Why not just see what happened? And see what happened I did. With no end in sight, I stopped personal social media use through May 2016.

My days started to become more efficient at work; I found creative ways to engage or disengage with people; I was less stressed over the high dose of negative news I was seeing; I let go of the pressure of having to keep up with posting or needing to respond; I focused on the core things that mattered as opposed to the (look, a SQUIRREL!) distractions.
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I began to see how compulsive I had become, even a little dependent. I felt fear about missing out on something. I got a “hit” (or high) from that next new message or like or share in my notifications. I had worried if someone didn’t respond soon enough.

The Addiction Framework
In the addiction world, physiological dependence is two things: tolerance (more is needed to achieve the same result) and withdrawal (I feel powerfully adverse negative affects when the “drug of choice” is removed). The treatment world has been closely watching the impact of using the internet, apps, social media, and the like- to see how it activates and affects the brain and body and mind in similar ways to substances. And we’re starting to acknowledge how behavior can trigger some of the same brain processes as a substance being ingested. DARN, I guess I can’t say, “Well, it’s not like I’m abusing drugs or anything.” Actually, sometimes I am abusing the chemicals already in my brain that drugs simply play with.  Varying levels of compulsivity exist, and my expertise in Professional Counseling focuses on providing help and hope when a person can’t break through their compulsive patterns.

Even though a year break taught me about my personal misuse of social media, don’t expect a crusade AGAINST social media from me today. As much as I benefited from my “vacation,” there were a few things I missed out on, too. I overlooked a few announcements (sorry for missing that birthday heads-up). I lost a bit of connection to the world around me. In essence, some communication was actually stunted for me. And I missed out on a little healthy distraction I find encouraging.

The Rest of the Story
My personal story may not be yours. Here are some observations:

The modality of communicating by tech IS effective and helpful for many.  We can complain all day about children not learning to communicate well because they “can’t even” (and I do believe that is a concern to be aware of as a parent).  However, social media can be helpful.

Social media is a communication platform. Whether we like it or not, things like social media are the new telegram or front porch conversation of years ago. And they don’t appear to be going away any time soon, only adapting and changing.

As with many things in this world, the actual vehicle of social media may be relatively neutral- what makes it egocentric, compulsive, and harmful OR helpful and relational, is likely the purpose and motivation and heart behind its use.  I want to be “linked in” to the latter so I can live free, not compulsively.

Sincerely,
Justin


Further Reading:
Dr. Geraint Evans- “What I Learned in My Year Off Facebook”
Dr. Kristen Fuller- "Social Media Breaks and Why They Are Necessary"
Shala Nicely, LPC- "Are You Handcuffed To Your Devices, and Is OCD At Fault?

“Gotta go!” Dave looks at his watch, kisses his wife, and walks out the door.  With just enough time to get ready and leave for work, Dave doesn’t have any time to reflect on the day and pray.  “I’ll do it later,” he thinks to himself.  At lunch, quickly bowing his head over his chicken casserole leftovers, he says a perfunctory, “Thanks, God.  Keep me focused today on what I need to get done.  Amen.”  As with most days, since the job is particularly tiring, once Dave gets home, he relaxes with some TV, dinner, and conversation with his wife.  Exhausted when he heads to bed, he says a prayer before he jumps under the covers, but he loses his train of thought.  “Goodnight.”  On to the next day.

Noted speaker, author, and pastor- John Ortberg- asked of his good friend and spiritual mentor, Dallas Willard, what he needed to do to be spiritually healthy.  Expecting some bullet points and great wisdom from this spiritual giant, Willard said, “You must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life.”  After pausing and a re-emphasis of the same statement by Dallas, John wrote it down.  In a hurried fashion, then he asked what was next.  “There is nothing else,” said the wise man he spoke to.  “You must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life, for hurry is the great enemy of spiritual life in our world today.” (Find the story here.)

This hurry is the same thing that keeps us running around with just one more thing to do and one more place to go.  It is a problem of a hurried heart.  It is not the same as having many responsibilities.  Hurry is the rush of “one more thing,” being busy is having a lot to do.  The latter can be done with peace, a calm heart, rest, and love.  The former cannot.  It is not settled, is not content, and it does not rest.

How does hurry hurt us?  It keeps us thinking outside of the moment.  It requires another accomplishment to be satisfied.  It has no end.  It does not fulfill.  We cannot have a close relationship without spending time, without sitting and listening and being with someone.  The hurried spiritual life is as fallacious as the hurried relationship.  Sprinkle a few minutes in here or there, say some nice things, and be on your way.  It does not work.

Distractions abound.  Tasks require our attention.  There is a limitless ocean of needs.  But a healthy spiritual life requires slowing down.  It re-prioritizes.  It takes a breath.  To quote Psalm 46:10 (ESV): “Be still, and know that I am God.”  I am now closing my computer to do just that.

Yours truly,
Justin