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Do I want this, or do I not? Is this my actual desire, or what I don't want? Does this thought or desire define me? What if it's terrible or horrible? Sometimes the things I think about are because I value them or desire them. Sometimes the things I think about are because I don't value them or desire them. What the heck? Egosyntonic and Egodystonic are two psychological terms to describe phenomena of thoughts/urges that are synonymous and antonymous to what a person desires or wants. Sometimes our thoughts reflect very much what we desire or want, but around 90% of people endorse having "intrusive thoughts," or unwanted thoughts. It is crucial to do a good functional analysis on a thought/behavior to determine whether someone is doing something in order to pursue- or to avoid- the very same thing.  Photo by Joel Fulgencio on Unsplash
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 Photo by Leio McLaren on Unsplash “Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.” – Helen Keller
I don’t want to live my life being overly cautious, but rather appropriately cautious. We are discovering in the research of anxiety disorders, OCD, and now depressive disorders, that possessing an Intolerance of Uncertainty (IU) is a common construct linked with higher anxiety and life disruption. What is IU? My favorite definition: “Belief that uncertainty, newness, and change are intolerable because they are potentially dangerous” (Steketee et. al 2005, p. 125). IU links threat with uncertainty. But is uncertainty a threat? Take a moment and ponder one of your favorite memories. What did it involve? Was there any risk? Any vulnerability? Any chance of failure? Most of the best life stories I hear are of those that involve, well, all of these things. A person who cannot tolerate not knowing actually misses out. How? Isn’t knowledge power? What happens is this: the more control a person must have, the less control a person has. The more certainty that is sought, the more narrowly circumscribed life becomes. Quick examples:
Want to know how you handle uncertainty? Take the free IUS-12 assessment here. [Go to "Read More" below to find out how to score the assessment.] Let’s be clear: everyone is uncomfortable with some uncertainty. And reasonable protection from risks is part of being wise- which can also be subjective. But the more you necessitate that certainty must exist, the following is more likely to happen:
In the research on IU, there are also two subset strategies identified: Prospective anxiety (desire for predictability) and Inhibitory anxiety (uncertainty paralysis) (Fourtounas et. al 2016).
If you struggle with any of these, the next questions is this: How do I live with uncertainty and anxiety, while also taking suitable precautions? The solution is fairly straightforward, but not easy. Once a problem area has been identified (along with what is reasonable, normative, or within your values), gradually and consistently gain ground by pressing into your fear without using a false reassurance strategy that reinforces the false threat of uncertainty. In therapy, one of the most powerful tools that exists to deal with uncertainty is what we call Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). This is the single most effective tool in treating OCD, and it is very valuable in other disorders. The reasons it usually has to be done in therapy are several:
I personally love Exposure because it helps me face life with a “bring-it-on” attitude rather than a “stumble-through-best-I-can.” ERP in therapy is very specific, very structured, and very powerful. However, even the person who is not in therapy can benefit from its principles:
“Some men storm imaginary Alps all their lives, and die in the foothills cursing difficulties which do not exist.” ~Edgar Watson Howe So what uncertainty are you not letting yourself live with? When is ‘not knowing’ unacceptable to you? Uncertainty is not the problem. It is unrealistic to be 100% certain about most everything in life. Life has few certificates of guarantee, and those are only as good as what is backing them. Ready to face your uncertainty? ~Justin  In this season of rush....I hate to admit it. Mom and Dad, please don't laugh too hard when I say....this.... I sometimes miss being told what to do. There. I said it.
I remember the drill of childhood. "When did you last eat? Here, have some food." "Looks like you could use a hug." "You're getting cranky; it's time for a nap." In my super-mature “I'm-smarter-than-a-child” mentality, I miss some of the plainest truths in life. One of these is the importance of rest. It’s the weekend before Christmas, and all through my house are temptations to “achieve” and find my worth in what I do and the approval of others. I’m trying to step back and rest. And I often will remind myself, “I’m more efficient when I rest.” What’s funny about that statement is that I still am finding an excuse for resting. What would it be like if I stop running the show for a moment? Slowing down the crazy pace of life is not only a discipline, it is an act of faith- one that acknowledges that I don’t control all and know all. And I don’t have to carry the universe on my shoulders. That’s freeing. I hope you “achieve” some great rest during this time of the year. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!! Yours truly, Justin |
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"Passionate about working with clients who are willing to work hard on areas of life that just aren't working."
Justin K. Hughes, MA, Licensed Professional Counselor
16901 North Dallas Parkway, Suite 107
Addison, TX 75001
justin@havencounseling.com
972-387-3898 x206
Near Me: Addison, Allen, Arlington, Bedford, Carrollton, Coppell, Colleyville, Dallas, Denton, Duncanville, DFW, Euless, Frisco, Garland, Grapevine, Highland Park, Irving, Lake Highlands, Lakewood, Las Colinas, Little Elm, McKinney, Mesquite, Oak Cliff, Plano, Richardson, Rowlett, Sachse, Southlake, The Colony, Mesquite, Westlake, Wylie.
©2018
Justin K. Hughes, MA, Licensed Professional Counselor
16901 North Dallas Parkway, Suite 107
Addison, TX 75001
justin@havencounseling.com
972-387-3898 x206
Near Me: Addison, Allen, Arlington, Bedford, Carrollton, Coppell, Colleyville, Dallas, Denton, Duncanville, DFW, Euless, Frisco, Garland, Grapevine, Highland Park, Irving, Lake Highlands, Lakewood, Las Colinas, Little Elm, McKinney, Mesquite, Oak Cliff, Plano, Richardson, Rowlett, Sachse, Southlake, The Colony, Mesquite, Westlake, Wylie.
©2018