Introverted or Extraverted?

Most people think I’m an extravert.  They see me being sociable, laughing, communicating- and the consensus is, “There’s NO way you’re an introvert.”  My friends have confused being outgoing with being extraverted.  In fact, even in counseling, the average person I work with believes that extraverts are outgoing and communicative, introverts shy and introspective.  And though this can apply, it is not actually the technical definition- nor the most helpful definition of what it means.

Simply put, think “Recharge” when thinking Introversion / Extraversion (I / E).

I will spare you the extensive history of folks like Jung and the modern day Myers-Briggs test, and there are many wonderful resources available on our topic we are considering- so feel free to consult my friend, “Google,” for more on the topic.

I have come to believe that, at least in terms of personality psychology, understanding and application of this domain is one of the most significant for personal success.

I am an introvert.  Most of my life I have tried to be an extravert.  Most days now I accept how I function, but I still find myself expecting I will magically change this.  I find myself around groups of people almost all day for several days in a row, and I wonder, “Why am I getting so edgy, tired, and experience a pressure to just want to go home and get away?  I want to just be able to power through!”  Ohhhh yes.  That’s right.  I’m a mid-level introvert.  

Many claim that our world rewards extraverts.  Maybe that’s true.  But I know that if you are an extravert, your success is not handed to you on a platter.  In fact, some of the hallmark characteristics of the introvert include abilities that many with extraverted tendencies desperately want. 

The best way to think about I / E is, “How do I recharge?  Where am I most focused (the external world or the internal world)?  How do I get energy?  In what capacity do I restore and recharge my batteries?”  If your answer is a clear, “With people!” or “Alone!” you may have a more obvious answer.  If it’s a mix of the two, you may be more in the middle, or an “ambivert.”  (There’s testing you can do to figure this out better, such as the MBTI or five factor model testing (FFM)/”Big Five”)  But the answer to this question is pivotal to how you approach life- and frankly, how you NEED to approach life.  No one questions the merit in stopping to eat a meal or getting a good night’s rest.  But, how easy it is to question the way our own body and mind gets its energy back!  For me, I question myself usually because I want to be more “productive,” able to knock out more things to be “successful.” But getting more stuff done is not necessarily a good thing in many circumstances.

When dealing with buried emotions with clients, I often say a phrase my supervisor taught me: “Emotions buried alive never die.” We therefore have to deal with these emotional “undead.”  So it is with how we recharge.  Our needs will eventually come up, and if we haven’t been nurturing them in a reasonable way, they will come up with a vengeance, ready to threaten burnout and exhaustion.

One of the keys to the application of one’s recharge style is how to work within a system of an infinite number of variables, styles, and circumstances.  Put another way, we must learn to function both independently and dependently in the system with which we find ourselves.  Extraverts, you will need to find ways to connect with others, but have to be disciplined (and usually work harder) at resting and reflection.  Introverts, you will need to find ways to be alone and collect your thoughts, but have to be disciplined (and usually work harder) to make sure you stay social.  “Ambiverts,” well, you’ve got it all together.  :)  All joking aside, ambiverts will need to find ways to connect and be alone, but have to be disciplined to have a foundation that allows them not only to “go with the flow,” but to make choices for both ends of the spectrum rooted in their own convictions.

My personal journey with I / E will always be evolving as life changes and I transition through different stages. It is nice, now, to not have to waste energy in being the “vert” I want to be and focus on living faithfully with the reality that is.

~Justin
​{And just for the record, my writing of this blog was 90% introversion, 10% feedback from others.}