No relationship is the same.  People are extremely complex- a marriage multiplies that intricacy.  How can a marriage work?  Amazingly, we really know a lot about what makes marriages function on all cylinders.  But there is a gap between knowing and doing, and this is in large part what I work with in counseling. Instead […]

Dad is the tough one; when he comes home, the two kids know there will be a “blow out” if he finds out about their behavior.  He functions as the Persecutor, letting off his steam at Mom and the kids.  But Mom is the Rescuer, jumping in to tell Dad he’s being too hard.  And the kids […]

Birds learn to fly after they step away from the nest; otherwise, they will die.  Most of us intuitively know a similar growing-up progression is required for human beings, but a lot can get in the way of raising a child to become an adult, and conversely, being an adult.A significant portion of my caseload […]

If you’re like over 1 billion people on this planet that use the internet, you have probably searched at some point for information pertaining to your health.  From understanding whether you have a common cold to symptoms of depression, these searches can provide useful information.  I use Google almost daily, and sometimes to understand health-related […]

Who of us has gotten an education on how to romantically pursue another person?  Taken a class?  Learned steps and stages of courtship?  But how many of us would say that having romantic relationships is one of the most important facets of life?  I am often surprised that I didn’t really even learn anything about […]

The holiday season is coming to a close.  2014 is upon us.  If you are like most Americans, you have spent a fair amount of money in the past month.  Whether consciously or not, you have made a substantial number of financial decisions. How much did you drive?  What did you spend on food?  What […]

For many, a popular electronic song of the 90’s came to mind when you saw that title.  I certainly hope so.  It’s an amazing song.  It’s also an amazing question.  What is love, really?  I love my parents; I love fall weather; I love guitar; I love burgers.  But what does it mean?  The ancient […]

As the U.S. heads into the heaviest holiday season of the year, an interesting blend of emotions often come up.  Even for those who find great joy in time with family, it can also be a stressful time.  Join me on a little journey of psychology through some of these dynamics. Expectations.  We all have […]

Possibly the simplest definition of intimacy is this: knowing another and being known.  Intensity is defined as strength, power, or force- in relationship terms, it’s getting a surge of whatever makes a person feel good.  Intimacy is developed over time, with patience, with love, with understanding, with compassion, with sacrifice.  Intensity happens quickly and fades […]

Watching dysfunctional conflict offers a lot of useful information.  I myself have had many fruitless arguments- trying to be heard and forcing a point.  It ends with drama, little resolution, and feelings of hurt and anger. Let me introduce you to “conflict algebra.” Person 1:             Issue A: “Why don’t you be more considerate?” Person […]

When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways” (1 Corinthians 13:11, The Bible, ESV). M. Scott Peck, in his work The Road Less Traveled, explained with surgeon-like precision how people deal with problems and pain.  […]

Why won’t they change??!! True, long-lasting change is based on a re-orientation of a person’s heart attitude and approach. This can’t be forced. Few people like to change under compulsion.  I actually haven’t met one.  People that are so passive that they let others force transformation usually hold onto their beliefs internally, ending up with resentments, bitterness, […]

Are you “addicted” to having a good mood?  The all-out fascination with having a good mood might be distracting you from living meaningfully. What is your highest priority?  Relationships?  Money?  Status?  Fun?  God?  Adventure?  Let’s get honest- if pushed and prodded, what is your greatest care?  What do you spend the most time thinking about? […]

How did this happen again?  Do I have a sign on my face that says, ‘Take advantage of me’?  A common counseling topic is addressing habitual and self-destructive patterns in relationships.  For the person that keeps getting stuck and attracting the same jerk over and over again, I have good news: there are clear, identifiable […]