Almost there. End of Election Day 2016. In seriously considering how to be a good citizen in this election, I came across a sure fire one. It’s research based, and all respected professionals agree with this one.
Communication in love = improved relationships. Yeah, that’s right. I suckered you into reading this. But why stop now? This is good stuff! I’ve seen a lot of head-shaking and apathy this election season. As a mental health specialist, I have been watching the behavioral and relational patterns of interactions, whether from leaders at a podium or the lay person on the street. I actually DO see some really good communication patterns in some people who exhibit characteristics that follow. But as I wrote about in a blog post entitled “Effective Communication” a few years back (right before the last election), the examples many of us see reflect abysmal communication styles. Well, at least if we want to be respectful. IF you’re attempting to minimize, disrespect, and emotionally distance, fair WARNING: do not read and apply the following. PAA Passive, Aggressive, and Assertive Communication styles have very clear results in various settings (in case you are wondering, passive-aggression can often be placed as a subtype under aggressive). Assertive communication is based on mutual respect, regardless of how much you disagree with the other person. Abusive language or behavior are out of the question. Assertiveness always involves respect. You may strongly state a point or quietly listen, but finding an assertive sweet spot is key- speaking the truth in love, and sometimes learning to just close the mouth. Check out the Mayo Clinic’s thoughts on this one, or for organizational settings, look at Daniel Ames’ research at Columbia Business School. Turning Towards The famous marriage researcher, Dr. John Gottman, found that turning towards a partner (which is not passive/casual agreement, but a positive stance of staying invested in one’s spouse), is significantly correlated with couples who stay together versus divorce. This means that in every “bid” that’s made for attention or connection, the masters of marriage turn towards the other person most of the time. I think there’s a lot to learn by studying successful couples’ interactions- after all, these are the people who are able to somehow stick with the same person for YEARS!! Distress/Uncertainty Tolerance Distress Tolerance is the ability to manage high levels of upset (distress), while staying grounded. Intolerance of uncertainty (IU), seen especially in OCD and anxiety disorders, can be successfully redirected by developing Tolerance for Uncertainty. Maybe the most common misconception with these are similar to misunderstanding forgiveness: to forgive doesn’t mean to just smile and approve. These all involve character-building at a deep level of maturity where a person can still hold to what is true, while at the same time having peace when the world around seems (or is) out of control. Understanding Back to Gottman. He joined up with Anatol Rapoport to form an amazing Conflict Blueprint. It involves working hard to really “get” what the other person is saying, and it recognizes underlying longings- and respects them- in the other person. READ: NOT the same as adopting their perspective. Furthermore, Softened Startup entails bringing something of significance and/or pain to another’s awareness, while staying gentle and guarding against criticism, blame, and shame. These things are actually really simple. But they take discipline and deeper metamorphosis to bring about in daily life. What can you do when all around you people communicate with disrespect and contempt? Be a difference maker by communicating in love. That’s my election choice. What’s yours? Sincerely, Justin K. Hughes
0 Comments
Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
Leave a Reply. |
The Jog:A Psychotherapists' thoughts on healthy living. Archives
January 2021
Categories
All
Disclaimer:All Content on this Site, justinkhughes.com, was created for informational purposes only. Content is not intended as a substitute for professional advice, treatment, or diagnosis. Always seek the advice of your own personal health provider who is qualified to treat you, along with asking them any questions you may have regarding medical or other conditions. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have viewed on justinkhughes.com. Also, due to the sensitive nature of topics and material covered through this Site, which contains very descriptive and/or advanced content, you may not want to use justinkhughes.com. The Site and its Content are provided on an "as is" basis. Some posts are written for specific populations (OCD, Christians, Professionals)- with the intent to remain respectful to all- some content may not fit or go counter to your beliefs, perspectives, and what is explored for you in a professional counseling session with Justin K. Hughes, MA, LPC. The posts are intended solely for the population they are written to and can be designated by their titles and tags.
Links to external educational content are taken at your own risk. Justin K. Hughes, MA, LPC is not responsible for external content. Affiliate Disclosure:Justin K. Hughes, MA, LPC of Dallas Counseling, PLLC participates in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program. This means that some links on this site will produce a small commission from Amazon.com and affiliated sites. I NEVER link products I don't use or clinically find benefit in. Many of them have been recommended for years inside and outside therapy sessions. You are under no obligation to purchase any book, product or service recommended on this site. However, they are provided on this site only educationally and are not meant to be interpreted as treatment or therapy in any way. I am not responsible for the quality or experience of any items purchased through affiliate links, as they are entities completely separate of myself.
|